Open Letter To Anne Nhira On Zodwa Wabantu Debacle

Dear Anne, (And I use DEAR very loosely)

Sometimes I always think it is a good idea to write and communicate after thinking long and hard and not rushing to comment.

Real deal Zodwa Wabantu (left) and shadow celebrity Anne Nhira (right and inset)

I believe I have done that now and can finally speak.I would not have spoken had it not been for reports that you have gone on to celebrate as a VICTORY Zodwa's personal decision to not come to Zimbabwe in spite of having been cleared by the censorship board as lodged by the Biggie Chinoperekweyi run Private Lounge franchise. That is a victory to you? Well let us get into the story shall we?

You see, your random decision to petition whosoever it was you petitioned and howsoever, to have Zodwa Wabantu barred from coming into Zimbabwean frontiers to solicit work and fend for her son really boggled my mind.

I am sure you have followed the media reaction and acknowledge that it boggled many-a-mind and not just my own.

More-so because it probably happened after you had finished watching SABC, taken a showers using South African water, gone for a number two to ‘dispatch’ of South African food that you had eaten in a nation that has been looking after you perhaps reasonably well that you should want to continue staying there.

Add to that, the fact that Zodwa Wabantu actually comes from the very same country you have adopted and from which you want her barred from Zimbabwe made the irony very rich.

It takes a special kind of evil for one woman to want to be an impediment before the real hustles of another; a single mother, who has not taken to commercial sex work but has rather branded herself cleverly to raise her child and make a living.

That special kind of evil is so strong that it left me questioning why God, in his infinite wisdom, created Satan when he knew he would be making you? The only logical answer could be that he needed practice.

But seeing as it is that God does not practice and is a perfect being, then perhaps the only other logical reason is that somebody had to play the bad guy and tempt Eve, Jesus, Judas and Adolf Hitler before you were ready to put on your make up and take on your role.

Whatever the reason, you have distinguished yourself.

Do I fault you for your role and your remarkable evil against Zodwa Wabantu? No, it was your job. Much as it was Judas’ role to give the kiss. You kissed Zodwa and did it well.

I cannot and will not moralise about Zodwa because let’s face it, if you are a Christian you will know that we were all granted free will by our maker and Zodwa chose to use hers not to wear undergarments.

If you value culture on the other hand, perhaps you can tell us whether the custodian of our humanity and Zimbabweaness who fought for our emancipation, Mbuya Nehanda, was a frequent shopper at Victoria’s Secret for her underwear?

And presumably you are Mother Theresa of Calcutta? Well holy mother then I offend you should that be the case. Yet your skimpy dressing, which I find totally agreeable and entirely your choice, makes it appear as if you are a demon quoting the Bible.


So the whole ‘parading naked before our chiefs’ moralising falls away.

Either way, I also understand that it must be tough to remember yourself as the pale d-list actress whose fame and worth shrunk like a raisin that has been cast on the sun, while another woman, with her stretch marks and limited garments is able to get more attention and make more fame for herself than you could manage in half a million years.She is the hen that is laying the golden eggs at the moment and you, my dear, are an offlayer.

Zodwa is prime beef and you are imitation soya chunks. She is Michael Jackson you are Tito. Nobody remembers Tito. And that makes Tito cross!

It must be sad to be remembered by the name Vimbai, itself not your own, because your claim to fame is as recent as the day Jerusalem’s walls were first built. The people have forgotten you and it must sting.

Zodwa on the other hand, a warm friend and a lovely soul when we met and spent time, is an unforgettable soul.

But I should stop here Anne. Evil is hard work and I am sure you have a lot to do apart from reading a letter from a nobody.

Warm regards to Beelzebub, Baal and most especially Lucifer. He hasn’t visited me in a long time and please tell him to keep it that way. He usually upsets me when he comes to see me and he just leaves a bad vibe.

Regards

Robert Garikai