Wait. Did ZOL Just Tell David Coltart To F*ck Off?

ZOL Zimbabwe is the shining light of service provision in Zimbabwe and probably stands out amongst the Econet brands, most of which are run from a little blistery place in hell by little demon-like creatures with pitchforks.

Denny Marandure however has always stood out as being the man that steers the diamond in the group.

Me with David Coltart before he was told to eff off by ZOL. Heavily filtered so you can also see dark old me!

Affable service and professionalism is their middle name and I never tire to say his response while on leave to get someone to urgently connect a client whom had been refused such by someone who had cited the presence of trees in the would-be subscribers area took the prize for active boss of the year. And all this when he was on vacation with his family in the USA!

Which is why the case over the weekend about a rather against the grain of perfection response to a complaint by Bulawayo lawyer David Coltart left many in social media circles either shocked, appalled or downright numb.

Some are in a state of paralysis.

Rude, haughty, egotistical and arrogant are some of the words that easily come to mind when one reads through the response. And perhaps for someone like me, who found the unit to be the last place for a potential love affair between me and an Econet product, the perfect word to describe my feeling is disappointment.

And all this while I was saving for my Mi-Fi (which is priced by the Devil himself I might add) to migrate from some shitty provider. You know what, let me just call them out. Powertel. There, I said it! Do I make the move? I wonder.

For the record David Coltart had written on Facebook: ZOL #FibroniksFast really need to be called out on their misleading advertising in the Zimbabwe Independent today . They promise that getting linked is “as easy as ABC” and that “installation takes between 3 and 5 days and the clock starts ticking from the moment you make payment.”

My experience is completely different. I paid ZOL $154 on the 26th October 2016 and entered into a contract with them (ZOL – 100051). Almost 8 months down the road and there is still no sign of installation. Despite repeated e mails complaining I remain in the dark. This is appalling service from what purports to be a first rate business. Their advertisement bears no relation to the reality of the disservice I have received.

Pull up your socks ZOL.

But ZOL did not want to purchase garters for their socks. Instead 48 hours later some 'genius' had the perfect response: FOR THE RECORD

Mr Coltart, your recent post accusing ZOL of misleading advertising regarding our installation time frames is unfortunately incorrect and disingenuous on your part.

You are fully aware that your installation has been stalled due to delays in issuance of way leaves by City of Bulawayo. There are policy issues that need to be resolved in order to secure permissions to trench the road so we can lay our fibre and get your house and many others connected.

In your post you act ignorant of this fact yet you, at one point, offered to engage City of Bulawayo on our behalf with regard to the way leave issue and we declined your offer to mediate because it would not have been in line with proper procedure.

We were of the understanding that you fully appreciated the uniqueness of your circumstance, however we will proceed and issue you a refund (which you know we have been most willing to do) until we obtain the necessary permissions to connect you – should you still be so inclined.

Let’s strive to be honest and genuine in our digital statements. With the necessary City Council permissions we guarantee connections within the stated time frames and we do it with pride.

Meanwhile, we sincerely wish you the best in securing an alternative solution as we continue to negotiate for service in your area.

GOODNESS! Should I translate the last two paragraphs of the response in condensed version? Here goes: You are a liar. And Fuck off dear sir to a service provider of your choice.

Whoever crafted the response makes Donald Trump look like the Patron Saint of the Polite right?

Regard for customers is not a Zimbabwean strength. But it was the source that made us sad because we always expect the best from ZOL. Perhaps I am missing something as I am not their direct client but still aspiring in many facets of the word.

But saving the day was the Chairman David Behr who weighed in, gave an apology and promised to get to the bottom of the matter. Or as my former headmaster would do at Milton-Mr GRL Crockett, get to the bottom of the person behind it with a sweet chastening cane Christened Long John Silver.

Said Behr: I can assure you this is not our usual standard of service and not a response I can condone as Chairman of ZOL. Please allow me time to investigate this. I’d appreciate a couple of days to do so and respectfully request everyone’s patience on social media whilst I do so. Rest assured appropriate action will be taken and I’ll feedback here. We have many hardworking and dedicated team members who strive to delight customers with our service everyday. Sometimes things do go wrong and we will accept responsibility, apologise and do our best to correct it.

And Hopefully Denny will get to the bottom of it too. His charisma can’t die at the hands of one knucklehead who is excitable no doubt.

Because while all of this is evidently true to have happened, my respect for that unit keeps me in denial. And there is a story of someone like me and it goes such:

One of the most famous quotes in sports history is linked to the date September 28, 1920.

On that day, “Shoeless Joe” Jackson supposedly admitted during testimony to a grand jury that he was one of eight Chicago White Sox baseball players who took bribes to let the Cincinnati Reds win the 1919 World Series.

It came to be known as the “Black Sox scandal” and it was devastating for baseball fans.

A crowd of fans were gathered outside the Cook County Courthouse where Jackson was testifying.

Word spread among them that their hero had admitted he’d helped throw the series to the Reds.

According to legend, as Jackson left the courthouse, a heartbroken young boy went up to him and begged: “Say it ain’t so, Joe.”

Today in the ZOL Coltart debacle I say : “Say it ain't so, Denny. Say it ain’t so, ZOL!”