Does The New Caps United Kit Literally Stink?

The game of football has almost always been about brawn and speed with little regard for metrosexual overtones, until David Beckham changed the game.

Now it is just almost about looking pretty as much as it is about bagging the three points and making a relentless charge towards the title of champions regardless of what competition is gunning for at any given time.

The kit that raised a stink...

Which is why the world was gobsmacked when Champions Caps United unveiled their monstrosity of a uniform last week ahead of an international foray into the Champions League with a fixture in Maseru, Lesotho for their weekend.

And looking all the more hideous in the abomination of a uniform was Hardlife Zvirekwi, whose HARD LIFE continues to be none better regardless of winning the ultimate players gong last season.

 

The Green Market...The New Kit Strewn Like At A Vegetable Market

Having made a New Year’s resolution to have an easier year, Caps United broke their promise to Hardlife when they chose their uniform which has elicited jokes from several sections of the media.

Donning slops as if he had been summoned straight from the bathroom and face contorted as is suffering a bout of diarrhoea, Zvirekwi donned the uniform alongside his teammates as ‘expert’ marketers for as far afield as the United Kingdom- Newcastle no less, decided it was a terribly clever idea to lay the new season’s uniform on the hard grey concrete steps on the lacklustre bays of the National Sports Stadium!

Hannah Wright....Brought the WRONG Technique?

It lay there, looking like the wares of an obese vegetable vendor deep in the township. In fact, Mbuya Masvingo and her vegetable table would have done a better job of displaying the new footie kit than the ‘England Import’ Hannah Wright.

Unfortunately the import from Muddy Island didn’t get it WRIGHT at all! That they had to hire a ‘pommie’ to lay out a ‘musika’ must mean she is the most expensive and highest paid vendor in Zimbabwe, Hannah Wright is!

But perhaps there was no other way to display this eye-watering array of fashion monstrosities than to put them on a tombstone cold flight of stairs.

SLOPPY...Zvirekwi's LOO foot kit

With some motif looking like checked squares of a chessboard or worse still a game of draughts, the uniform elicited little praise including from the die-hard fans of Caps United Football Club.

Twitter went a bit mad with people describing the uniform as looking curiously like a set of dishtowels while the kinder ones thought it looked like a set of curtains. The dress sense of Zvirekwi elicited a bit of jabs as well with the man dropping his shorts never mind the sulk, slops and teammate holding his nose. Either Zvirekwi REALLY did have a running stomach or the uniform really stinks…literally.

Add to that a picture of Hannah handing Hardlife his kit jersey while his shorts was held in her armpits did not inspire confidence that she had indeed been a marketer at the top echelons of the marketing game and at least more than a playboy bunny in Hugh Hefner’s mansion.

And in Lesotho a stink of a stripe also got a stink of a performance with the team drawing blanks against its opponents to draw nil all.

But the Green Machine will be out to prove that a rubbish kit does not have to mean a rubbish performance when they try and defend their well-earned titles this year as a new season of thrills and spills beckons.